Me and My Chibi
by sprinkle-chan
Summary: Envy manages to find his Chibi all alone, but what could he be plotting...EdxEnvy
1. Come in then

**Me and My Chibi**

**Chapter 1- Come in then...**

"Ah yes," muttered Envy, "You're all alone my Chibi..." the green-haired sin was sitting on the roof of Ed's home, getting weird looks from passers by.

Ed-the Fullmetal Alchemist was on his way home, After narrowly escaping Mustang's grasp, he felt like having pizza.

And so there he was, walking home holding a delicious smelling, steaming hot pizza. He breathed in the warm cheese scent, trying not to be tempted to eat it.

He stood outside his front door and dug into his pocket for the key. Without warning, a violent shiver ran down his small spine. He felt as if he was being watched. He whipped around, turing his back to the perched sin, he stared into the street, "Weird..." he said aloud as if to reassure himself.

Envy grinned at the fact he'd gone unnoticed. He was laughing in his mind, "Oh Chibi, this'll be fun..." He leaped off the roof and landed on Ed's back. The two of them hit the graveled ground with a thud. Ed tried his hardest to get up.

Envy disguised his voice as Winry's and leaned in close to Ed's ear,

"Oh Ed..." he whispered as seductively as possible.

"Winry?" asked Ed, the confusion and fear clear in voice, "Is that you?"

Envy's voice returned to normal, "Yeah right, she wishes she was on top of you!"

"Holy shit!" shrieked Ed, "Get the hell of me, you pervert!"

Envy rolled of the squished alchemist and sat beside him, "Calm down you little, shrimp."

Oops.

That smart comment resulted in a punch to the face... with Ed's auto-mail fist. Envy rubbed his new wound until it healed. Ed grunted as he checked on his pizza.

"Say, Chibi-san?" said Envy,"May I have a slice?"

"No." Ed thought that question coming from Envy was just a little bit random.

"Please?"

"No."

"Pwetty Pwease?"

"Ah... fine." Ed just too tired and freaked out to argue any further. And since when did Envy flutter his eyelashes at him? Ed groaned in defeat as he unlocked the door,"Come in then..."

--- --- --- --- ---

After Ed had left for the kitchen, Envy jumped onto the sofa. "Ooh," he grinned,"Edo's home is pretty!" The curious sin looked at all the photographs displayed around the room.

One of these caused the sin to glare. The photograph was of Ed and Winry at a lake. "That bitch," muttered Envy,"Having wet Chibi-san all to herself!"

Noticing that Ed had been in the kitchen for a long time, the homunculus quietly walked over and opened the front door. He looked around before

throwing the photo into a nearby bush.

He closed the door and sniggered,'_That was the signal...' _ he turned to find Ed, who was eying him suspiciously. "And what were you doing?" inquired the short alchemist, "Well?"

Envy thought of an excuse,"I was..."

"Yes?"

"Checking I wasn't followed by the... others."

"Huh?"

The homunculus collapsed on the floor and put on a sad face, "The other sins are being mean to me."

Ed stood there trying to grasp this new concept. He was positive that Envy wasn't a weakling to be teased.

"Chibi-san?" Envy's smooth voice broke Ed's train of thought. "May I stay here? To be safe?"

Ed glanced down, the sad-looking sin looked somewhat... attractive...

_"Wait... I'm letting my mind wander..."_ Ed blushed and mentally slapped himself.

"Hey, Chibi-san?"

"What?"

"Why are you all red?"

_"Oh shit..."_ Ed thought for a moment. He himself was quite confused. He didn't want to know why he was blushing either.

Envy grinned a sly grin.

Ed sighed, "I'll let you stay if you drop the subject."

"Yay!" exclaimed Envy.

**A/N: Man what was I on? Envy is so out of character...Oh about the signal.. you'll have to wait...**


	2. I'm stuck with you, aren't I?

**Me and My Chibi**

**Chapter 2- I'm stuck with you, aren't I?**

Envy sat there, across the table from Ed, watching as the short blonde gobbled down slice after slice of pizza.

"You'll get a tummy-ache, Chibi-san." noted Envy.

Ed shot him a "shut-up-or-you'll-die" glare. The sin glanced down at his own half-eaten slice. (Obviously he didn't want it.) He let out a soft sigh, before resting his chin in his hands. He continued to watch Ed eat.

The alchemist sensed this and looked directly into Envy's purple eyes.

"What?" he snorted.

"Oh, nothing." he smirked before gently running his foot up Ed's non-automail leg.

Ed freaked out. Knocked over the table as he leaped up. Then ran like hell. Before finally, locking himself in his room.

Envy looked at the pizza on the floor, "I'm not cleaning that."

--- --- --- ---

It was late at night and the green-haired sin was sitting on the roof, recollecting his thoughts. _" Why do I have to be nice? Even if it's to lull him_

_into a false sense of security..."_ Envy stretched out his legs, "Oh, well," he said to himself, "I'll just have to seduc--"

"Just what?" asked Ed, he was standing behind Envy, holding a pair of handcuffs.

"Now, now, Chibi-san," grinned Envy,"That's a bit kinky."

Ed blushed slightly, "Eww... get your mind outta the gutter!" he started attaching one of the cuffs to Envy's wrist, "I'm gonna leave **you **up here!"

**CLACK**

"What was that?" inquired Ed. He looked at the handcuffs.

Now he was attached to Envy!

"You sneaky bastard!" Ed fumbled with the key in a poor attempt to free himself. But it slipped between his fingers and fell, with a clatter, down into the darkness.

Ed looked up at the grinning sin, "I'm stuck with you, aren't I?"

--- --- --- ---

The Fullmetal Alchemist cursed all the way down the roof, then the whole time cleaning the pizza. Envy didn't mind, he was just surprised at the boy's colourful vocabulary.

The next issue came in the bedroom.

"How am I supposed to sleep, with you connected to me!" he shot a glare at Envy, who grinned,

"It's easy, Chibi-san. You lie on the bed and close your eyes!"

Bang! Another glare was fired in the sin's direction.

Ed let out a long, frustrated sigh,"This won't be fun at all" he said.

Whilst Envy was thinking the exact opposite.

(A few minutes later...)

"See?" moaned Ed,"I told you this wouldn't be fun!"

The two of them were lying in Ed's bed. The only thing separating their faces were their cuffed hands, which were resting on the pillow between them.

Ed cursed some more.

"Chibi-san," whispered Envy, "You shouldn't curse before bed, it's said to give you nightmares."

"Oh yeah?" retorted Ed, "I'm living one right now!"

He turned his face away and tried to get some sleep.

--- --- --- ---

Ed turned to see if Envy had fallen asleep, and to his surprise, he had.

Envy's long green hair was splayed all about the pillow. Sleeping, the sin looked so...

...evil.

_"Who sleeps with a grin like that on their face?" _thought Ed.

He lay there wondering what a homunculus would dream about, before falling into a deep slumber.

**A/N: yay chapter 2... not that flash really... oh well. I wouldn't mind being handcuffed to Envy! .:blush:.**


	3. Why didn't I think of that?

**Me and My Chibi**

**Chapter 3- Why didn't I think of that!**

Envy awoke to morning sun stinging his eyes. He lay there, blinking at the ceiling, before glancing down at his chest.

The very small Ed was sleeping, with his head on Envy's chest. The sin smiled. A smile which quickly faded, when he thought of what would happen when the alchemist awoke.

_"Oh crap." _he thought as he attempted to slide out from under Ed, _"If I could just get out..." _ At that moment the sin remembered the handcuffs.

Though he couldn't leave the room, he could still get Ed off of him.

Using his free hand, he gently pushed on the top of the boy's golden head.

"Mmrr..." muttered Ed.

Envy instantly pulled his hand away.

"My... En...vy..." he muttered again, this time the alchemist subconsciously used his free hand and wrapped it around Envy's waist, "All... mine..."

_"Hmm..." _thought Envy,_" Now what?"_

--- --- --- ---

Ed was sitting beside Envy, waiting for said homunculus to wake up. He stared out the window a slight blush crept onto his face, _"What was doing!" _he thought. Ed could faintly remember claiming 'Envy was all his.'

Envy opened one eye and looked at the alchemist. He must've fallen asleep. He tried to remember why he was with the Chibi in the first place...

_"Listen to me, Envy," commanded Lust, her arms crossed under her chest,"We need that Fullmetal Boy to co-operate with us."_

_"Yeah, yeah, I know..." sighed the green-haired sin, "You've only told me, like, one-thousand times!"_

_Lust stood up from her seat and walked to the doorway. "Just do anything to get him on our side...get into his home, befriend him-I don't care." she sighed, her back still turned to the other sin._

_"I'll throw something outside when I'm in." smirked the very confidant Envy._

_Lust smiled, "I'll be waiting, then."_

Oh yeah. Now he remembered. The stone.

He sat up, "Morning, Chibi."

Ed turned to face the other teen, "Oh. Morning."

"What's the matter, Chibi-san?"

"Nothin' I just can't stand these handcuffs."

Envy thought for a moment. "Why don't you use your alchemy?"

Ed mentally slapped himself, "Oh yeah..." he blushed with embarrassment.

The young alchemist clapped his hands and touched the handcuffs. In a flash of alchemic light, the cuffs had changed into bangles.

Instantly the two of them pulled the bangles off. Ed let out a sigh of relief, "Good thinking, Envy. Why didn't I think of that!"

The sin climbed half way out the window, "God only knows that if I hadn't said anything we'd still be cuffed together."

Ed frowned, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"O'Chibi-san, you're a cute face, with very few brain cells." with that, the sin jumped out of the window.

--- --- --- ---

Envy couldn't stand being nice anymore. He wanted to hurt the Chibi. Badly.

He paced around on the roof of Ed's home, pondering what to do.

"That's it!" clapped the sin, "I'll hurt him. A little..."

Meanwhile, Ed was wondering why Envy had left. But he saw a good side to it. The short alchemist looked at the clock. He'd be early for work if he left now and there's nothing stopping him. Happily, he grabbed his red jacket and left the house.

The instant he locked the front door and turned, Envy had dropped down from the roof and pinned Ed to the door. The sin leaned in close to Ed's face and whispered,"Now it's time to have some fun, Chibi-san..."

Before Ed could do anything, he was struck hard and sent to the ground. "Ah, I see now," said Ed as he got up, "You never really liked me, you were just lulling me into a false sense if security!"

He dodged a few of Envy's attacks, but was tackled to the ground. Envy was on top of Ed and smirking, "No shit, Chibi-san."

Ed threw him off and tuned his arm into his favorite weapon-the blade. He took a few swings at Envy, who took a few back. Eventually though, Ed was tackled to the ground once again. Envy stared into Ed's golden eyes.

Ed was right, Envy did like him. Even though it was creepy, he could tell. There were many signs:

1) Envy was being nice. He was even fighting nice.

2) He gave Ed nicknames.

3) Whenever Ed was tackled to the ground, Envy stayed on top of him a little too long.

The small alchemist rolled and pushed at the same time. Causing Envy to be on the bottom, whilst Ed was on top.

"Well Chibi-san," smirked Envy, "I've had my fun. You can get off me anytime."

"What!" Ed was confused.

"I was bored, I'm only fighting with you, to keep myself entertained." The sin threw the alchemist off.

A small, sharp twig cut his left arm, "Ow." he said bluntly, before getting to his feet and dusting off his pants. "Later, Envy. I'm to work now."

Envy sat in front of the Elric's house. _" Let's pay Chibi-san a visit in the office..."_ he grinned to himself.

**A/N: Yay... evil Envy... What do I write for the next chapter now? Hmm...**


	4. That gender confused homunculus

**Me and My Chibi**

**Chapter 4- That gender-confused homunculus.**

Ed burst through the door of Mustang's office.

"You're late again, Fullmetal." he stated cooly.

"Yes sir, I know."

"Care to explain yourself?"

"I was fighting Envy at home, sir."

"What!"

"Y'know Envy? That gender-confused homunculus."

Roy stared blankly at the short boy.

"I'm going to the library, later sir." said Ed as he left the room.

Noticing that Mustang and Ed had finished talking, Hawkeye entered the room, "what was that about, sir?" she asked.

Roy stood up, "Alert everyone, Hawkeye, there's a gender-confused homunculus on the loose!"

--- --- --- ---

Ed sat in the library, rubbing his sore arm. _"That stupid twig." _he thought, _"This had better not get infected."_

The door clicked open and Ed looked up to find Al, standing in the doorway.

"Al?" said Ed, standing up, "You weren't supposed to be back for another two weeks. What happened?"

"Uh nothing, Chi-- I mean-- brother." the armour stuttered.

Ed cocked an eyebrow, "Geez Al, you sound weird, are you sure you're alright?"

Al twiddled his thumbs,"Did that happen during the fight?" he asked, pointing to Ed's arm, "I'm sorry."

Ed looked down at his wound. "Oh this? A stick scratched me this morning when-- hey..."

In a bright flash of light, Al became shorter and sprouted 'palm leaves'.

"Surprise, Chibi-san!" exclaimed Envy, pulling Ed into a hug.

--- --- --- ---

"We must keep Fullmetal safe." Hawkeye stated.

"Good idea," replied Mustang, "We'll get him from the library."

The two of them walked down the halls.

"If the homunculus is after Fullmetal..." said Mustang as he opened the library door, "We'll need to-- what the hell!"

--- --- --- ---

Ed looked over at the door, "Mustang?" He pushed Envy off him. The sin fell to the floor.

"Fullmetal! What's going on?" the two officers asked and yelled at the same time. Hawkeye pulled out her gun and fired it at Envy, who dodged it and hid behind Ed.

Before anyone had a chance to do anything, Envy disappeared in a flash of light.

"Check the building!" Mustang commanded. Hawkeye ran out of the room in search of Envy. "Fullmetal, stay here." The Flame alchemist closed the door, before running in the opposite direction of Hawkeye.

--- --- --- ---

"Thank goodness they're all gone!" sighed Ed.

As he walked over to the table he was sitting at (before the commotion) he felt something furry crawl across his forehead.

"Think again, Chibi-san." he heard a voice say.

Ed pulled the furry thing off his face and examined it. On his finger was a palm tree-haired caterpillar. The alchemist laughed as it crawled on to the table.

In another flash of light, Envy was sitting on the table, "Stop laughing, Chibi-san." he scowled.

"Envy, you have to get out of here, y'know." said Ed, "Mustang is looking for you."

"I'm not leaving without you Chibi-san." pouted Envy, "I can't leave you with that Flame alchemist."

Envy grabbed Ed's hand and pulled him out the window.

**A/N: Not a great chapter, I know...**

**Guess what? I was in the nursery the other day. I found a palm tree and I could swear that it was smirking at me...**


	5. Who are you calling so short

**Me and My Chibi**

**Chapter 5- Who are you calling so short...**

Ed was panting hard. He had never felt such a rush, that was so dangerous, yet fun. Envy looked down at the short alchemist. Maybe he was to rough on him. He didn't think Ed could hold on so tightly. Maybe the shrimp was scared... After all, Envy hadn't gone down that fast.

He hadn't jump-climbed down the tree that fast, right?

Envy knelt down and helped Ed up, "Come on, Chibi-san, we've got to go."

Ed grumbled something as he stood. Since when could Envy order him around?

They walked down the streets to a location unknown to Ed. He didn't like been seen with Envy... to many people commented on what a cute couple they made. Ed hung his head. This wasn't fun. He heard someone say he was a cute little blonde girl.

Envy, who heard this also, snickered at the comment. "Do you like being called female?" he asked.

"No."

"Now you know how it feels." He had said that rather coldly.

Envy seemed grumpy...

--- --- --- ---

"He's very late." sighed Lust folding her arms under her chest, "He'd better not screw this up."

Gluttony looked at her, "Is Envy getting that boy?"

"I certainly hope so, for Envy's sake."

--- --- --- ---

Now clambering through a forest, Ed sighed as he was literally dragged through vines and leaves.

When the movement suddenly stopped, Ed glanced up at Envy's face. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just wait out here for me, please. I'll be back soon." Envy released his grip on Ed's hand and trudged off toward a small shack in the distance.

Ed sat down on a nearby tree stump. _"Somethin' weird is going on... wait. Did Envy just say 'please'? No way. He showed manners..."_

Ed shivered. Envy must really need him for something.

Noticing that Envy had entered the shack. Ed snuck after him. After he had reached the shack, he pressed his ear to the door.

--- --- --- ---

"So you've found the Fullmetal Boy I presume." concluded Lust. Her and Gluttony were looking at Envy impatiently.

"If I say yes, what'll happen?" inquired Envy.

"You know what'll happen, don't play dumb."

"I'm not."

"We need him dead, you know that." she was getting pissed off now.

--- --- --- ---

Ed listened intently on the other side of the door. The part about him needing to die scared him. He was about to run when he heard Envy speak again.

"Well wouldn't 'ya know it," Envy laughed,"I haven't fount the little runt yet!"

Lust growled.

"Besides, I thought we needed the shrimp to turn us human."

"Well not any more. I have found someone stronger and who is willing to sacrifice a few lives." Lust seemed proud.

Envy seemed confused, "Why does the shrimp have to die anyways?"

--- --- --- ---

Ed returned to his stump. He was more concerned about how to punish Envy for the various height remarks, rather than his mentioned death.

He heard leaves rustle and looked over to see Envy striding over towards him.

"Hey Chibi-san, wh--" was all the sin could manage to say before he was glomped on the head. Envy looked at Ed.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT AND SHRIMPY THAT A MIDGET MICRO-ORGANISM WOULD NEED A MICROSCOPE TO SEE HIM!"

Envy backed away slowly, "I said no such a thing, Chibi-san."

"Oh really?" said Ed sarcastically.

'Yes, really. Can we please go now?"

Okay. Now Ed was lost. Wasn't Envy supposed to hand him over to the others to be killed? And did Envy just say please again?

Ed studied the homunculus standing before him. Envy was rubbing his already healed, glomped head.

Ed never noticed how nice Envy's body looked. It was so... _" Oh god! I'm letting my thoughts wander again!" _Ed shook his head and blushed, _" I'm perving on another guy and Envy no less... I need to see someone about my issues."_

Ed slapped himself for being stupid... with his auto-mail hand.

He fell to the ground unconscious.

--- --- --- ---

Envy carried Ed into his room and placed the self-abused alchemist on his bed.

Envy had no trouble getting into Ed's home. For Ed had dropped the key outside the house, after the boredom induced fight that morning.

The sin was perched on the end of the bed. He let out a long sigh. _" Lust will definitely come here... I know! I'll take Ed somewhere far from here..."_

**A/N: Yay another chapter! Sorry if this one took longer and is bad. I'm very tired.**

**( Now that I remember, anyone who thought that the first paragraph was a lemon, you sicken me!)**

**Not that it was intended to sound like a lemon scene,mind you... (laughs evilly)**


	6. Where are we?

**Me and My Chibi**

**Chapter 6- Where are we?**

Lust sliced her way through the back wall of Ed's home. She had figured that Envy was hiding the alchemist, so she decided to kill the both of them.

After completely destroying all the rooms, she examined her nails. "Gluttony!" she called over her shoulder. The large sin stumbled through the wreckage, "Yes Lust?"

"Those bastards left..."

--- --- --- ---

Envy collapsed on the ground after placing Ed on a park bench. If he didn't see Lust coming over that hill, the two of them would be dead.

Ed's eyes fluttered open. He could hear children laughing. "Envy..." he moaned, "Where are we?"

"The... park, Chibi-san."

Ed sat up on the bench. He looked down at Envy who was sprawled out on the floor, gasping for breath. Ed laughed.

Envy felt Ed's eyes on him, "Shut...up...Chibi-san..." he breathed.

Ed looked up as he heard a child scream, "LOOK OUT!"

The alchemist joined Envy on the ground after a ball hit him right in the face. This time, Envy laughed.

--- --- --- ---

Roy Mustang burst into the library once again, looking for Ed. When the alchemist was nowhere to be found, Mustang muttered curses.

"So he got himself kidnapped, am I right?" Hawkeye was behind him.

"Yes, It seems he has, we should check his house, he may have gone there."

Riza nodded in agreement.

--- --- --- ---

Gluttony was searching through the ruins to find something to eat.(As usual.) He found some meat, but left the bones. He decided to be picky.

He found the remains of a pantry and searched through them. He spilled various sauces everywhere, before finding anything he liked.

Lust sighed angrily, she was paired with him because...?

--- --- --- ---

Envy laughed as Ed played with the children. He had joined them not to long ago...

He had mentioned something about teaching them how to really play ball.

But the homunculus was uneasy. _"Why did Lust need Ed dead?" _It just didn't make sense. To him anyway.

Ed came running up to the sin, "You should've played as well. It was fun!" he said, obviously happy.

"Nah," he waved off the thought, "I don't like little children... they make me stabby."

Ed looked shocked a his statement.

"Don't worry, Chibi-san." purred Envy, "Just because you're short like a kid, doesn't mean I'm gonna hurt ya."

Ed pretended he didn't hear that. Though his twitching eye vas clearly visible to Envy. The two of them were amazed that Ed controlled his temper.

"Freaky..." muttered Envy

"What was that?"

"Nothing, Chibi-san!" Envy held up his hands in defense, "Let's go somewhere else."

Ed shrugged at the suggestion and followed the homunculus.

--- --- --- ---

Mustang and Hawkeye reached the place where Ed's home should have been.

"What on earth happened here?" Hawkeye asked no-one in particular.

Mustang walked along further and glanced at the wreck. He beckoned Hawkeye over. She gasped at the scene in front of her.

Bones covered in what seemed to be blood.

**A/N: Yay another chapter! I'm so hungry...**

**Anyway, I have something I want to ask you all: Have you noticed that all the chapters are things that Ed says in each chapter?**

**Not that it matters. I'm off to practice alchemy, bye!**


	7. I'm sorry

**Me and My Chibi**

**Chapter 7- I'm sorry...**

"Holy crap!" screamed Mustang, "Edward is dead! Look at those small little bones!"

Riza put a hand to her face and sighed, "Sir those would be animal bones."

"What's your point? Ed's like an animal."

"No sir, no he's not. In any case, this most likely a set up."

Mustang investigated the said bones and found that Hawkeye was right. He also thought it was a set up. Roy raised his fist in the air.

"Don't think you'll get out of work that easily, Fullmetal!" he roared to the sky.

--- --- --- ---

Envy's fingers gripped the material covering the seat as the scenery flew by. "I don't like this...this horrible moving contraption!"

Ed snickered, "It's obvious you don't like the train, huh?"

"That's the understatement of the bloody century!" Envy replied coldly, throwing his hands in the air for emphasis.

The train lurched forward and Envy was now the floor, getting laughs from Ed and weird looks and giggles from those nearby.

Envy got up and sat next to the laughing alchemist, "Chibi-san, shut up."

Ed attempted to say something, but the look on Envy's face was very funny.

"I mean it Chibi-san. Don't make me shut you up!"

Ed's laughter was cut off by Envy kissing him. Once again, they were receiving weird looks.

Ed flushed. He could feel the heat in his cheeks.

Envy sat back, grinning, "Didn't you like that Edo? Maybe I'll stick to cuddling."

The alchemist put his fingers to his lips and looked up at Envy, who shuddered, "Don't worry Chibi-san, I won't do that again."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"What you want me to?" Envy was shocked and confused.

"No! No way! Not on your life! Or uh, lives in your case..." Ed didn't talk until they reached the next station.

--- --- --- ---

The two of them got off when they reached the station. Ed was pondering what Envy was going to do with him.

Envy was thinking the same thing._"Maybe if I just give the shrimp to Lust, I'll save myself a lot of trouble. But I don't know where Lust is right now..."_

The sin grabbed Ed's hand, "Come on. I'll take you somewhere where Lust will never find you."

He said that too cheerfully. Ed pulled his hand away from the homunculus. "No way, Envy. I don't trust you."

"Well that's too bad! You're coming anyway!" The sin smiled as he pulled Ed along the sidewalk.

That's right, he smiled. Not a smirk or a grin. A smile.

"OH LORD! HE"S GONNA KILL ME!" screeched Ed as he tore away from Envy and down the street.

--- --- --- ---

"Hey, it's that Mustang man from the military." said Lust pointing at Mustang who was leaving the ruined house. Gluttony watched him.

"Yes, yes it is!"

"We should leave then. He might know where Envy took the boy."

"Can I eat the boy, Lust?"

"If we catch him, yes."

--- --- --- ---

When Ed was at a safe distance away from Envy he thought of a plan. _" I've gotta keep Envy away from Mustang. But I have to keep myself away from Envy... Argh! If only I could control or bribe him some how..." _The alchemist snapped his fingers, _"I've got it! Envy's bi-polar enough, I'll seduce him... yeah..."_

Ed was scared of his idea, it was that or die. A part of him wanted to die, just so he couldn't carry out the plan.

"Oi, Chibi-san!" Envy ran up to Ed. "Why'd you run off for?"

Ed smiled a cute chibi-ish smile, before jumping on top of Envy. "I'm sorry..." he purred.

**A/N: Yay! another pointless chapter! It's mainly speech 'cause I'm very lazy.**

**After a few attempts at alchemy, I have given up. All that happens is random things end up broken. (Like my mirror...oops)**


	8. I'm just a little bored

**Me and My Chibi**

**Chapter 8- I'm just a little bored...**

"What's gotten into you, Chibi-san?" inquired Envy, cocking an eyebrow at Ed.

"Nothing." the alchemist cooed, nuzzling the crook of Envy's neck, "Nothing at all."

Envy pulled his glove off and felt the chibi's forehead. "Well, you're not sick." Having said that, Envy pushed Ed off him and replaced the glove. Ed looked hurt by this and pouted at the sin. "No Edo... don't look at me like that..." Envy raised his hands in defense against the cute face looking at him.

The pout turned into a grin and Ed took Envy's hand. "Weren't you gonna take me somewhere?" he asked. The alchemist had a certain tone in his voice which made Envy blush.

"Uh, y-yeah, I was..." Envy tried hard to mask the pink tinge on his pale cheeks.

--- --- --- ---

"This guy isn't helping." said Lust, stating the obvious to Gluttony.

"Why don't we go to Dante's place? Envy's bound to come, he can't stand the Elric." replied Gluttony, suddenly gaining a brain.

Lust agreed and together, they headed back. Leaving Mustang munching on a hot-dog, while Hawkeye sighed.

--- --- --- ---

Ed and Envy arrived at a small motel. Ed ran inside, dragging a confused homunculus behind him.

"Two rooms?" asked the woman behind the counter.

"Nope! Just one." Ed smiled at the lady who was just as confused as Envy was.

"Uh, sure. Here."

The two of them exchanged keys for money. And then Envy was dragged down the hall.

"S-so Chibi-san, what room are we in?"

"Let's see," Ed looked at the tag on the keys, "Room 206."

When they arrived at the room, Envy was relieved to have his hand back. Ed had a death grip. Once unlocking the door, Ed ran in and leaped onto the bed, causing the springs to moan. "Hey, Envy!" called Ed as he bounced up and down, "You should try this, it's fun!"

Shaking his head, Envy opted for a chair in the corner and sat down. Ed stopped bouncing. He eyed the homunculus.

"What?" snapped Envy, his violet eyes meeting Ed's gold ones. "Well?"

The short alchemist climbed down off the bed and made his way over to where Envy was seated. "Why are you so grumpy?" he pouted.

Envy got off the chair and climbed onto the bed. With Ed watching him. "I'm not grumpy, Chibi-san, Just tired." The sin lay there, staring at the ceiling. he could feel the Chibi's eyes still watching him.

Ed walked over to the bed and climbed on. He then climbed on top of Envy and straddled the sin's thighs. Envy propped himself up onto his elbows. "What're you doing, Edo?"

Ed placed his hand on the sin's chest, and pushed him back down, onto the bed. Continuing with his plan, Ed leaned forward, and whispered into Envy's ear, "I'm just a little bored..."

Envy was getting flustered. "Chibi-sa--" he was cut off by Ed kissing him. Envy couldn't believe this. He felt Ed smile against his lips.

Evil chibi.

Ed stopped kissing him and rolled off the sin and lay at the side of him. Ed smiled before hugging Envy and falling asleep.

--- --- --- ---

Ed awoke to find Envy asleep beside him, with a smile on his face. This time it wasn't so creepy. He thought this was a safe time to have a shower, before Envy awoke.

He pulled off his jacket and shoes, then his shirts. He looked at his auto-mail arm.

While he was checking for any sign of damage, Envy silently awoke. the sin propped himself up and watched the alchemist.

Ed started fiddling with his belt and he was about to take it off when something interrupted him.

"My, my a Chibi doing a strip-tease. I could get used to waking up like this."

Ed turned around, face crimson, to see Envy now sitting up with a smirk plastered on his face. "You pervert."

--- --- --- ---

"Are you done yet, sir?" asked Hawkeye, annoyance thick in her voice.

"Yeah, yeah." came the muffled reply from Mustang, who scoffed his third hot-dog.

Riza decided to do some work, while Mustang ate, so she started showing a photo of Ed to passers-by.

"Yes I saw him," said an old lady, "He was headed to that motel, with a girlfriend. It was so cute!"

**A/N: Once again, I have completed another 'boredom -induced' chapter!**

**I was watching 'Get Backers' last night, yay! Ban is cool, but he doesn't beat my Envy!**


	9. This is uh, E En Em Emily

**Me and My Chibi**

**Chapter 9- This is uh, E-En-Em-Emily**

Roy was listening to the conversation between the two women.

"Yes I saw him," said the old lady, "He was headed to that motel, with a girlfriend. It was so cute!"

"Fullmetal has a girlfriend?" he blurted out, spewing crumbs on Riza, "No freakin' way!"

Riza wiped off the crumbs, "Please sir, show some respect. Don't talk, or yell, with your mouth full."

"Sorry..."

--- --- --- ---

Ed had his shower, with a knife nearby. Just in case Envy decided to intrude. He was starting to regret doing all those things to the homunculus, but at least the kiss was nice.

Wait. What was he thinking? Sure, He enjoyed the kiss, but that didn't mean that he liked the sin. Did it? He shook the thoughts out of his head. "I'll worry about that after Mustang, yells at me for losing that report..."

--- --- --- ---

Envy was lying in the bed again, reading a piece of paper he found in the chibi's pants pocket. Envy furrowed his brow, trying to read the scribbled writing.

It read:

ENVY- THE MURDER-HAPPY HOMUNCULUS.

A shape-shifting homunculus. Green hair. Resembles palm-tree. Dresses strangely like a female. The last word had scribble over it, but it defiantly said: Cute.

"Ah-ha!" said Envy aloud, "Chibi-san has a crush on me! That's sooo... strange..."

The sin heard a door click open, and he turned to see Ed standing there, in a towel. "Envy, what are you- Hey! What are you reading?"

"Nothing." obviously a bad lie.

"Ed saw the paper in Envy's hands. "Oh no... Did you read that?" The alchemist went red. "Why were you even looking through my pants?"

"Because I can, and so I did." Envy folded his arms over his chest. "Did that stupid colonel tell you to do this?"

Ed grabbed Envy's hand, "Give that back!"

Once again, the door burst open, with Roy and Riza behind it.

"I just had to see your girlfriend, Fullmetal. I wan-- what the hell?" said Roy, now looking at Envy.

"Well now," whispered Envy, "Speak of the devil."

Riza took in the scene in front of her. "Ed who is this?"

Ed looked over at where Envy should've been, but in the sin's place, was a beautiful girl, with long, green, spiky hair and she was wearing a red dress.

"Oh? Uh, this is uh, E-En-Em-Emily!" He looked at the girl who smiled sweetly.

She flounced over to the two officers and she curtsied to Riza, then winked seductively to Roy. Roy shook her hand, before turning to Ed, "Once you're dressed Fullmetal, I want to see that report. I'll be outside in the car."

Ed was blushing all the way down to his toes as the officers left. And he was sure Hawkeye was sniggering.

--- --- --- ---

Envy watched out the window as Ed recieved an earful from the colonel. Obviously the colonel made a joke about Ed being 'vertically challenged' because all that could be heard was Ed screaming, " WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT HALF A SPECK OF DUST WOULD SEEM LIKE AN INTIRE UNIVERSE TO HIM!"

_"Not one of his best comebacks..." _Envy cupped his hands over his ears. Anymore Ed-noises would make his ears fall off.

When stomping could be heard outside, Envy braced himself. Ed flung the door open, muttering profanities about a certain colonel.

Ed looked up at Envy who grinned nervously. Ed grabbed his jacket, "I'm off to work, Envy. I'll see you later...if you're still here."

As quickly as he came, Ed left.

Envy stood there, bewildered, _"Was that a hint that he wants me to stay?"_

**A/N: Woot! I did this whilst high on sugar! Now that I'm calm, it's not that great... oh well, hope ya liked it!**

**My cats don't like it when I practice alchemy... they're just envious that they can't clap...**


	10. Let's make a deal

**Me and My Chibi**

**Chapter 10- Let's make a deal...**

_"People just love to piss me off today..." _Ed was on another train, heading to some 'endangered town'. The only danger was random and vicious attacks. Of course, Ed had to find the culprit. That, or Mustang didn't want to do it himself. _"That bastard..."_ Ed sighed, there was nothing for him to do. No-one to talk to, nothing to read and no scenery. None.

He wished Envy was there. At least there'd be someone to talk to...

--- --- --- ---

_"A killer on the loose... oh what a great title... yes I like it very much. And not a single alchemist to ruin my fun. If that 'hero of the people' shows up..." _Cat-like eyes looked past dark hair. They spied a short blonde leaving a train station. _"Well there goes my fun... and it was a job I actually liked doing."_

Said short blonde alchemist studied his small map. He was confused. How could so many people live in one small town?

On his way to the hotel, he could see how over-populated the town was. _"May be the killer is doing everyone a favor..." _

--- --- --- ---

Envy strolled the streets, getting looks from all the men as he walked around. The sin stopped when he spied something in the distance, "Oh shit!" he whispered to himself, "He will ruin all of today's plans!"

Envy ran down the street up behind the one he saw. He watched said person, trying hard to blend in.

Today might not be so bad...

--- --- --- ---

Ed tried his hardest to see past all the people in the street. Curse his height... He looked around desperately for a sign.

After a half-hour of walking, Ed was getting a funny feeling, like he was being watched. But every-time he turned around, it was just towns people. He felt sorry for all of them, they looked so poor and helpless...

...except for one girl. She looked like she was in her teens, she was beautiful, had a red dress and green hair. Ed could've sworn he'd seen her before.

The girl looked at him smiled and waved flirtatiously. Ed blushed a blush which quickly faded, when the girl pulled out a knife and smirked evilly.

Girl turned and ran down a side street, with Ed in tow.

--- --- --- ---

After hours of chasing, the girl was lost in an alley and at a dead end.

"Who are you?" Ed asked, "Why are you doing this..."

The girl smirked, "You know very well who I am, pip-squeak." her voice wasn't familiar, but the way she spoke... "Come on! You really can't remember? My name is E-En-Em-Emily!"

"Envy?" the penny dropped. "You twisted bastard! I should've known!"

"Yes you should've!" Envy retorted, "I'm insulted... Maybe I should go with Mustang..."

"Huh? What're you on about?"

"He seems to like Emily... a lot..." The sin smirked as Ed blushed.

"WHAT?"

"Now, now, Chibi-san. Don't get jealous, that's my job." Emily blew Ed a kiss before disappearing onto the rooftops.

--- --- --- ---

Ed had been sitting in the alley for a long time...

_"How do I continue my plan, and piss Mustang off at the same time..." _The alchemist had an idea, one that allowed him to kill three birds with one stone... _" This'll be fun..." _

He stood up, and climbed onto the rooftop to see Emily sitting up there, obviously waiting for him.

"It took you long en--"

The sin was cut off by Ed wrapping his arm around her. "Let's make a deal," he purred into her ear, " If you leave this town alone and stop killing it's residents I will take you on a date, to where-ever Mustang happens to be..."

The girl smiled, "Why of course Chibi-san, I'd love to!"

**A/N: Go me! Another chapter... I thought I should stray from Ed and Envy and make Ed work... but I had to bring them together again. I'm so weak...**

**Yay! I don't have to go to school tomorrow! More time to write stories!**


	11. Do you think he's following us?

**Me and My Chibi**

**Chapter 11- Do you think he's following us?**

Envy knew what Ed was thinking, that was: piss off Mustang. He wouldn't want to disappoint the chibi, now, would he?

Ed sat staring at the nothingness out of the train window. He turned and looked at Emily, "Why won't you change back to normal?"

"Might as well get used to it, Edo. I'm staying like this, until our date is over."

"Okay..." he turned back and gazed out the window. He saw the reflection of Emily. She was gripping the seat. _"Envy must really hate trains."_

Ed decided to do the report on the mission he'd just finished. Leaving Emily trying to avoid falling on the floor.

--- --- --- ---

After arriving back at the motel, Ed got changed into a nice white shirt, but kept his black pants. While Emily just transformed into a long black dress.

The two of them left for the headquarters, to find out where Mustang was.

--- --- --- ---

Ed lightly knocked on the door of Mustang's office.

"Come in."

Ed peered around the door. "Uh sir, I finished that mission."

"And the report?"

"Yes sir." Ed turned out of the room and was talking to someone else.

"Fullmetal, who are you talking to?"

"Uh, my friend?"

"Just get in here, Fullmetal and bring your friend too."

Ed nervously shuffled back into the office followed closely by Emily. Ed offered her a seat on one of the chairs, before handing the report to Mustang.

Who clearly, was peeved. Not because Ed finally had a date, but because he had nothing to make Ed do.

--- --- --- ---

The couple walked down the road, which was packed with night-time party-goers.

Emily leaned towards Ed. "Do you think he's following us?" she whispered.

"Uh, I think so."

"Well I need to change, I can't stand being a girl any more!"

The two of them came by the park. Ed pretended to say good-bye to Emily. She walked off through the park, while Ed continued down the street.

Further on up the path Ed was greeting Envy who had come out of a building.

--- --- --- ---

Mustang watched as the two teens whispered to each other, occasionally turning around.

Roy was worried he'd being caught. But he followed them anyway. _"How dare Fullmetal get a date before me..." _

A little further on and they came to a park. Roy watched as they said their goodbyes, before heading separate ways. _"What? The date's over?_

_It's only been fifteen minutes! Maybe the shorty offended her..."_

Mustang followed Ed until the short alchemist stopped outside a building. Someone came out of the building, and after they greeted each other. The person turned and waved at Roy.

--- --- --- ---

"Hey, Envy. Who are you waving at?"

The sin stopped waving, "Why Mustang, of course."

Ed looked over his shoulder, just in time to see the colonel dart behind a bush. "Never mind him."

The two of them turned around and headed back down toward the park, walking right past Roy, who was still in the bush.

Said colonel watched them as they walked past. He gasped in shock when he saw Ed walking past with Envy, the homunculus they've been trying to catch.

--- --- --- ---

Envy was standing under a tree in the centre of the park. Waiting for Ed to return with their food. The sin heard rustling in the bushes behind him. A hand sprung out and grabbed the sin's wrist.

The first thought that drifted into Envy's mind was,_"Oh shit, Lust found me..."_ The sin looked down at the offending hand, and noticed that the hand belonged to a male.

"Edo?" he asked, "Is that you?"

A person came out of the bushes and cupped a hand over Envy's mouth. The sin glanced up.

"Why are you here with Edward?" Mustang asked, preparing himself for anything the homunculus might try. Envy went limp. His head was hanging and the only thing keeping him up was Mustang's grasp.

Roy panicked. Did he hurt him? The colonel carefully lay the homunculus on the ground, under the tree and disappeared into the bushes.

--- --- --- ---

Ed came down the path that led to the middle of the park. _"Oh, I hope Envy likes tacos... I can believe all I could afford was tacos! I should've brought more money..."_

Ed looked over to where Envy was. He saw the sin limp, under the tree. "Envy! Are you alright?" Ed ran over to the sin and placed the food down beside him.

"Hmm, smells good." the sin muttered, suddenly becoming full of life.

"What were you doing?" asked Ed, who was clearly worried, "You looked like you were unconscious."

"Yeah, that Mustang guy jumped me, so I pretended to faint." said Envy cooly as he examined the food, "I think he thought he hurt me. The idiot took off!"

Ed sighed whilst Envy laughed. "Come on, Envy. Let's hurry and eat so we can go home."

**A/N: Oh god! A bad chapter!**

**There you go, 'what the vell'. I gave them tacos, just like you wanted!**


	12. Maybe I could fix that

**Me and My Chibi**

**Chapter 12- Maybe I could fix that...**

Envy trudged down the street, in the direction of their motel, with Ed holding his hand. Why the chibi was doing this, he didn't know.

Upon closer inspection, said chibi was having a hard time staying awake. His eyes would close, he'd stumble slightly, then his eyes would flutter open and finally he'd glare.

Envy found this quite annoying, but cute none the less. _"Ah, yes... the chibi was cute and se--" _No. Wait. He can't have thoughts like that. If he gets too attached to him, then...

"Envy..." Ed yawned, cutting the sin's train of thought, "Can you carry me on your back?"

The return of the 'Seductive Chibi'.

Envy shrugged, "I don't see why not..." This wasn't exactly the kind of answer Ed was expecting. Envy kneeled down and motioned for Ed to climb on.

--- --- --- ---

Ed was falling asleep, now that he wasn't walking, it was harder for him to stay awake. _"Don't fall asleep... he might take you to the other homunculus."_

A smirk spread across Ed's face. He wrapped his legs tighter around Envy's torso and wiggled his hips into the sin's exposed back. This action, in turn, caused the alchemists...erm...lower regions to be pressed against the sin.

Ed felt Envy's body tense. Hmm... he was good at this.

Ed leaned forward and rested his head on the sin's shoulder. "Hey Envy," he whispered into his ear, "Remember when we were in that town?"

The alchemist's warm breath tickled Envy's ear and he shuddered involuntary. A nod was his reply.

"You said that Roy liked Emily," continued Ed, "Is that true?"

"Nope!" grinned the sin, "I said that because I knew you'd get jealous!"

Ed growled at the fact he fell for the trick. He leaned in to Envy again, "He's the one who should be jealous." Ed ran his tongue along the outer of Envy's ear, "'Cause I'm the one who's got you..."

Envy dropped Ed.

--- --- --- ---

Envy groaned as he entered the motel room. His ears were probably bleeding by now...

"I still can't believe you dropped me!" Ed yelled for the 65th time. Envy groaned again whilst he climbed into the bed.

"Envy, are you even listening to me?"

Envy pulled the covers over his face. "Shut Up, chibi-san." Came his muffled reply.

Ed smirked an evil chibi smirk. "What's wrong, Envy?"

"Nothing for you to worry about, chibi."

"Oh, really, is that so? Maybe I could fix that..."

The alchemist's tone made Envy blush. He thanked any god that was listening, that Ed couldn't see. The sin waited, then sighed in relief when he was sure that Ed had moved onto something else. Sure the chibi was cute, but not when he was pestering him.

Envy was then snapped out of his thoughts when he felt the weight shift on the bed. Said pestering chibi was under the covers next to him.

"Chibi-san, what're yo-mmmphrr..." the sins question was cut short by Ed pressing his lips to the sin's own.

--- --- --- ---

Envy's violet eyes snapped open. Ed's eyes were calm, yet playful. The chibi was enjoying this.

_"That bastard... how dare he!" _The sin's eyes narrowed, _"No-one seduces me and gets away with it!" _Envy used his inhuman strength andflipped Ed over. The two of theme were tangled in the sheets, but now Envy was on top of Ed.

Little did Envy know, that this wouldn't stop the chibi...

The shocked expression left Ed's face as quick as it came and the alchemist raised his arms so his hands were on Envy's back. he grinned at the homunculus as he traced patterns on the sin's back with his auto-mail fingers.

Envy shuddered. He could feel the cold metal, even through his clothes. But two could play at this game...

The sin ran his fingers on one hand down the front of Ed's chest and the other down Ed's flesh arm. The chuckled despite himself when the chibi shivered. Envy leaned in closer to Ed's face and Ed leaned up closer to the homunculus. Ed blushed when their lips were about to meet...

**BANG! BANG! BANG!**

Ed threw the sin off when he heard someone knock loudly on the door. He climbed off the bed and laughed when he saw Envy hanging off the bed by his feet caught in the bed sheets.

Ed opened the door a little, just so he could see out. The receptionist was standing there. "I'm sorry, I hope I'm not interrupting anything." she said, worry clear in her voice. Ed blush in embarrassment when he thought he heard Envy grumble, "Well, actually, you did..."

"There's a Roy Mustang on the phone for you, Mr. Elric, is it?"

"Uh, yeah..." Ed left the room, closing the door behind him.

--- --- --- ---

Envy stared at the crack at the bottom of the door. He was still upside down. But he couldn't get himself right side up again. He looked up at his feet.

"Should I just pretend that whole moment shouldn't have happened?" he asked them.

Maybe staying upside down was getting to his head, since he was talking to his feet. Which is a body part that can't respond.

"Do you know why I did that?" he asked them again.

"That's a good question, I'd like to know that too..." was his reply.

--- --- --- ---

"Yes sir, I'm sure that wasn't the homunculus..."

"No sir, I'm not saying you're crazy..." _"Stupid crazy idiot..."_

"Yes sir, I'll do that report..."

Ed had been on the phone to the colonel for quite some time now. But he was being nice. So far, Mustang hadn't made any height,(or lack thereof...) remarks...

"Good, Ed. I'm glad to hear that. You really need to go to bed now. It's late. And I'd hate it if you got so **little **rest that you'd have a **short **attention span in the morning..."

"WHAT THE HELL IS YOU'RE PROBLEM! I'M NOT SHORT! WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE TO YOU! A MINIATURE FLEA!"

With that, he slammed the phone down onto it's cradle and stormed off down the hall.

--- --- --- ---

When Ed reached his room, he stopped outside his door. He needed to calm down before he faced the homunculus inside. His eyes widened in interest when he heard said homunculus talking.

Slowly, Ed opened the door and quietly he closed it again.

Envy was still hanging off the bed. Obviously too lazy, or unable, to get the sheets off his feet.

"Do you know why I did that?" the sin asked.

"That's a good question, I'd like to know that too..." Ed replied.

Envy's head fell back as he heard Ed's voice, "Chibi-san! You're back! What joy!" he grinned sarcastically.

Ed chose to ignore the sarcasm. "Did ya miss me?" he purred as he took a seat beside Envy's feet on the bed. "Well, Envy, why did you do that?"

Ed untied the sin's feet and Envy's legs fell with a thud to the floor, joining the rest of his body.

"D-do what, Chibi-san?" Envy asked, his cheeks going pink.

"You know what you did. You tried to kiss me."

"After you already kissed me!"

"Oh really?"

"Yes, really!"

"Well, did you like it?"

"I-um... d-don't..."

Ed smirked his evil chibi smirk once again. But this time, Envy saw it.

And panicked.

Ed dove on top of the sin and pressed their lips together once again.

--- --- --- ---

**A/N: Whoot! I have finally updated! I have overcome the dreadful effects of writer's block and returned!**

**Aww... everyone sweat-dropped and left me... all alone...**

**Oh well, I hope y'all enjoyed the chappie!**


	13. What the hell! Envy, that's huge!

**Me and My Chibi**

**Chapter 13- What the hell! Envy, that's huge!**

--- --- --- ---

"Well..." breathed Ed, "Didja like that?"

The sin looked up at Ed, "W-w-where did that come from?"

"Answer me first."

"I dunno..."

"Is that the best you can come up with?" Ed climbed off of Envy and fixed the sin with a pout. Envy propped himself up on his elbows.

"Don't look at me like that Chibi-san..."

Pout.

"Okay, I liked it... uh... yeah..."

"Really?" Ed jumped on top of Envy once again, but this time he was hugging the homunculus around the neck. A smirk crossed the sin's face.

"I didn't know you liked me that much, Chibi-san"

--- --- --- ---

"Sir, are you okay? You seem edgy..." Hawkeye had been worried about Roy. Not in any way to say she liked him. Oh no, she was worried about his mental health.

"Yes, I'm fine. But Ed won't be. Not if keeps lying."

"Sir, I'm sure he's telling the truth... maybe you are crazy..."

Riza dodged a file of papers. Roy made a peeved face as he retrieved the file. He glared at Riza when he was seated again.

"I'll follow him again... yes. I'd like to see him lie when I know the truth..."

"Sir, I'll find you a shrink right away." Riza called as she left the office.

--- --- --- ---

Ed walked down the halls of Central. He passed the usual officers.

On the way to his dorm, he passed Riza.

"Good morning!" Ed grinned.

"It is, but not for us..."

"Huh?"

"Let's just say the Colonel got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning..."

"Ah."

After saying goodbye, Ed headed down the hall and entered his room. He remembered what Riza said and laughed. _"Yeah, right. He didn't wake up on the wrong side of the bed. He was born on the wrong side of the hospital bed."_

The alchemist laughed to himself.

**tap! tap! tap!**

Ed whipped around to face his window. Sitting in the large, conveniently placed tree, was Envy. Ed trudged over and let the sin into his room.

--- --- --- ---

Roy walked the halls, searching for a speak of red amongst the blue-uniformed officers.

Nothing.

So he headed for Ed's dorm room. He stopped outside the door, thinking of a way to word his question.

"No Envy! Stop it!"

What the f---

"Oh, but I missed you, Chibi-san!"

The colonel raised a brow at the door. And being the 'born-on-the-wrong-side-of-the-bed' crazy person he was, listened to the happenings inside.

"What the hell! Envy, that's huge!"

"Hahaha! I know! Fantastic isn't it?"

"Uh... what are you going to do with that, exactly?"

"Wouldn't you like to know, Chibi-san?"

"Yes I would, tell me."

"Give it to ya, I guess..."

Who-ever was in the room with Ed, was being **very **suggestive. So Roy decided to be smart. So he left, fearing the mental images he was getting.

--- --- --- ---

When Envy was let into the room, he examined it, before jumping on Ed. The sin kissed him hard, before kissing his jaw-line.

"No Envy! Stop it!" he yelled.

"Oh, but I missed you, Chibi-san!" he grinned, but he stopped anyway. The sin's features brightened in realization, as if he'd just remembered something. He ran back to the window and pulled something out of the tree.

To Ed's total shock, the sin had retrieved a very long breadstick. (Ya' know, like the french ones...)

"What the hell! Envy that's huge!"

"Hahaha! I know! Fantastic isn't it?"

The sin closed the window while Ed stared at the bread in confusion. "Uh... what are you going to do with that, exactly?"

"Wouldn't you like to know, Chibi-san?"

Envy's tone made Ed blush. "Yes I would, tell me." he retorted.

The sin picked up the bread stick, "Give it to ya, I guess... I can't eat it, nor do I want to." He handed it to Ed.

"Uh, thanks. Where'd you get this thing?"

"I stole it from some lady."

--- --- --- ---

Roy spotted Riza in one of the halls and ran up to her, flapping his arms wildly.

"Ha! I was right! Ed **is **up to something!"

Riza flushed red, in embarrassment.

"I'll believe you, if you can prove it sir." she'd try anything to get the colonel away from her. Followed by many worried and confused glances, Roy led her to Ed's dorm room.

--- --- --- ---

Roy, as always, burst through the door of Ed's room with Riza in tow.

But, to his disappointment, Ed was working on a report at his desk.

"Fullmetal! What're you doing?" Roy yelled. Riza sighed.

"Uh, my work, sir. Is that a problem?"

"No..." his voice trailed off when he spied a large breadstick propped up against Ed's bed. "What's this?"

"A breadstick, sir."

Roy ran over to it and grabbed it, with his hands in a strangle-hold. He shook it violently. "I know that's you, Envy!" he screeched.

"Sir! Don't do that!" Ed and Riza yelled together, as Roy broke the breadstick in two.

**SNAP!**

Roy snapped his gloved hand and the breadstick caught alight. Once the smoke had cleared, all that was left were ashes and the heavy smell of burnt bread.

"Done and done!" said Roy proudly before leaving the room, with a very concerned Hawkeye.

Ed frowned at the ashes. "Envy..?"

--- --- --- ---

**A/N: The reason this chapter totally sucks? I was bored when I wrote it. And yes, I am aware the breadstick is completely random.**

**But oh well. At least I got another chapter done!**


	14. I I love you?

**Me and My Chibi**

**Chapter 14- I-I... love you?**

"Envy!" Ed tried again.

The sin jumped through the window, which Ed had left unlocked. "Hmm, what's cooking? It's burning." He stated.

"Well, I think the colonel has lost it."

"I knew that already, Chibi-san."

"He viciously attacked the breadstick!"

Envy looked at the ashes on the floor. "Hell, he did too... what a nut!"

--- --- --- ---

"Thanks again." said Hawkeye into the phone, "Bye."

Roy watched her as she hung up the phone. "Why was that conversation about me?"

"I was consulting a psychologist about your... issues, sir."

"Pfft. I don't have **any **issues."

"I beg to differ..."

--- --- --- ---

Ed sighed in contentment as a cold tingling sensation enveloped his tongue.

"Are you enjoying that, Chibi-san?" Envy asked.

Ed nodded and swallowed. "Yes... want some?"

Envy looked at the ice-cream cone in Ed's hand. "Uh, no thanks."

"Fine, your loss."

Ed had dragged Envy out of the military headquarters, for a walk. He thought the sin needed something to do. He was acting weird...

"Hey, Chibi-san?"

"Yeah?"

"Isn't that colonel what's-his-face?" Envy pointed ahead of them, and sure enough, Hawkeye was dragging Roy into a building.

Ed sweat-dropped. Envy grinned. "I made the colonel crazy!"

--- --- --- ---

"First name?"

"Roy"

"Last name?"

"Mustang..."

"Age?"

"Not telling... hey how will this help the condition I supposedly have!"

"I'm sorry Mr. Mustang."

Roy sighed and glanced around the room. Boring, just dark colors... how depressing. He turned back to face the 'doctor' at the desk in front of him, noticing Riza talking to him.

Riza was trying to listen to the psychologist, but was finding it hard to. His treatments sounded down right crazy! She sighed, rolling her eyes, only to have them land on two familiar figures outside.

"Sir! You're not crazy!" she pointed a finger at the window. Roy ran over and looked outside.

"Ha! I've caught you now, Fullmetal!"

--- --- --- ---

Ed decided he wanted to talk to the colonel. So he and Envy were seated at a cafe across the street from the building to two officers entered a while ago.

Envy was running one of his fingers lazily around the rim of his coffee cup, whilst Ed fidgeted nervously. He didn't realise Envy was going to attract so much attention. Maybe it was the sins attire that caused everyone to stare.

"Ha! I've caught you now, Fullmetal!"

Ed looked around in shock and for any sign of the colonel.

Minutes later, Roy rushed out of the building, with Riza in tow.

--- --- --- ---

"So, you're saying that you have, befriended this monster?"

Envy pouted and crossed his arms. Ed rolled his eyes, "Yes, sir..."

Roy scratched behind his head. "You don't mind, hanging around with your enemy?"

"Hey! He's your enemy too! And besides... he's uh... not that bad..."

The mentioned sin smirked as Ed blushed. "That's right!" he said defending himself, "Chibi-san loves me!"

"I-I... love you?"

Everyone stared at Envy as if he was the insane one.

"See?" Envy pointed at Ed, "He admitted it!"

--- --- --- ---

**A/N: Yesh! Another shitty chapter... Oh well, it's been a while since I've updated anyways... so enjoy the crappiness!**

**I've been told the ice-cream bit sounded kinky at first... people say somethings I write sound lemony...**


	15. Nothing has been going on

**Me and My Chibi**

**Chapter 15- Nothing has been going on! **

--- --- --- ---

"No! I don't love you! Are you crazy?" Yelled Ed.

"Aww... Chibi-san," Envy put his hands on his heart and pouted, " That hurts me here."

"No it doesn't! Do you even have a heart?"

" I don't know. I've never cut myself open and had a look..."

Ed growled. The sin could be so frustrating...

Roy and Riza just stared at them. before turning to each other.

"Well sir, what do we do?"

"Good question, don't know the answer"

Riza sighed.

"He's not hurting Ed... so--"

ARRGH!

Roy and Riza turned back to the bickering couple. The shorter, blonder half of the couple was currently being strangled.

"Take that back Chibi-san! Take that back!" screeched Envy. Scaring off the cafe patrons.

Ed reached up and put his hands around Envy's neck. "Okay, okay!" he chocked, " I take it b-back!"

"I don't believe you chi--"

Ed had pulled the homunculus down, by his neck and was now kissing him.

Riza gaped, whilst Roy fell off his chair, muttering to himself.

--- --- --- ---

Roy couldn't look at Ed properly.

After the silent trip back to headquarters, they were in the colonel's office. Roy seated behind his desk, Riza standing to the side, Ed on on of the sofas with Envy asleep with his head on Ed's lap.

"S-so..." started Roy, breaking the silence, " How long has this been going on?"

"What? Nothing has been going on!" Ed crossed his arms and glared at Roy. The short alchemist's outburst caused the sin to shift and murmur about killing chibis and colonels.

All the room's non-sleeping occupants sweat-dropped.

Riza, who was sick of waiting, came out with a straight forward question. "Why'd you kiss him?"

"Well... I knew it would make him let go of me... and..."

Riza quirked a brow.

"If I'm nice to him, he might not take me to the other homunculi. I heard them talking. Envy took me there... they were discussing killing me..."

Roy stood up. "Why the hell didn't you run away or something! Why are you still with that monster!"

Ed looked down at said monster, who was still sleeping. "Well he told them... he had found me yet, when he had... he protected me."

" And you believe you'll still be safe?" said Riza, who was obviously skeptical, " What makes you think he won't turn you in later? What--"

She was cut off by Envy sitting up, awakening. "Whoa! I never sleep for that long!" he looked down at Ed. "Chibi-san!"

The two officers watched as the sin leaned down and hugged Ed, who was blushing. Envy nuzzled the crook of Ed's neck. " My ears are burning, Chibi-san, who was talking about me?" He glanced around the room in a sort of creepy way.

Ed pulled Envy off. " No-one was." He smiled at the sin.

--- --- --- ---

Roy watched out the door as Ed dragged Envy down the hall. "Well, now what?" he asked turning around to face Riza. Who was smiling.

"I think it's cute!"

"What!" Roy looked at her in disbelief. "Are you nuts? One of them isn't human! And they're both guys... I think... and enemies!"

"So? If Ed can control that homunculus, we just lost a powerful enemy and possibly gained a strong ally."

She raised her hand to her chin and thought for a moment, " But that was stop him form causing us trouble, not to mention, he might turn on Ed..."

--- --- --- ---

Yes. Envy did turn on Ed. But not in the way Riza was thinking...

**A/N: Woot! Go me! These chapters may take a while to get up from now on...**

**My computer won't let me upload... so I have to ask imhappynessinabottle to do that for me.**

**Well, peace out! From me at 3:17 am!**


	16. What kind of fun?

**Me and My Chibi**

**Chapter 16- What kind of fun?**

Everything Envy did turned Ed on. The way the sin walked, the way he whispered into his ear, the way he would hold him. And Ed would enjoy it alot more, if Mustang and Hawkeye didn't know about him spending time with the sin.

Ever since the colonel had found out about the relationship, in which Ed insisted nothing was going on, he had them taken away.

--- --- --- ---

Ed and Envy were moved to a new dorm room. It had a large mirror that covered most of one of the walls, a window above the two beds, A large table with a couple of chairs, a wardrobe and bookshelf- complete with books.

"Hey Chibi-san, this isn't half bad..." said Envy as he looked around the room, "It's better than the old room anyways."

"I guess..." Ed turned to Hawkeye, who had brought them as she handed him the key.

"Don't trash the place, okay?" she smiled and left. Ed closed the door behind her, before dragging his suitcase to the wardrobe and placing his clothes into it. He stopped what he was doing and watched Envy, who was making himself comfortable on one of the beds.

Ed smiled at him.

Envy looked over at Ed, "What are you looking at, Chibi-san?"

Ed turned away and blushed, "Nothing..."

--- --- --- ---

Riza left the dorm and head for an office, one that wasn't Roy's, but Roy was in there.

The office was right next door to Ed and Envy's room. In fact, it shared the same wall. The wall with the mirror.

"Ah, there you are." said Roy as Riza walked in, "Did they like the room?"

"Yes, and they didn't suspect the two-way mirror, either."

Roy turned and looked through said mirror. Ed was packing his clothes into the wardrobe, but he was now looking at Envy.

Riza watched as well. "We can see them, but can we hear th--"

"What are you looking at, Chibi-san?" said Envy, cutting off and answering Riza's question.

"Nothing..." came Ed's reply.

--- --- --- ---

Roy was sitting in the office, eating whist Riza read a book.

Ed and Envy haven't been doing much. Ed was reading books whilst Envy, still on his bed, stared off into space.

The silence was broken by Ed. "I'm hungry. I'm going to get something to eat."

Envy leapt off his bed and hugged Ed. (to the shock of Roy.) "Don't go, Chibi-san! I don't want to be left here by myself!"

"I'll be right back..."

"I don't like this room, it's suspicious."

Roy and Riza looked at each other and gulped.

"I hope he doesn't realize..." whispered Roy.

--- --- --- ---

With a lot of convincing, Ed was released from Envy's hug. He was now back in the room with a glass of water and eating a sandwich. With Envy clinging onto him once again. Ed watched the top of the sin's head as he ate.

_" Why am I so attracted to Envy? Maybe I shouldn't have tried to seduce him... but I guess, he isn't that bad. Damn! And now Roy and Hawkeye know!"_

Ed frowned. _"That damn colonel..."_

Ed finished his sandwich. And drank his glass of water. He turned and glared at the mirror. _"What is the point of that thing, anyway?"_

--- --- --- ---

Roy and Riza froze.

"Can he, see us?" Roy whispered, his eyes not leaving Ed.

"I don't think so..."

Ed turned back around with a sigh.

Roy and Riza both sighed.

"Maybe he's just suspicious, after what Envy said earlier." Riza said.

Roy nodded.

--- --- --- ---

"Chibi-san?"

"Hm?"

"I'm bored. Let's have some fun!"

Ed pushed the sin off him, "What! What kind of 'fun'?"

Envy pushed Ed over and climbed on top of him. He lowered his head so his lips were hovering just above Ed's. " This kind..." the sin lowered his head further pressing his lips to Ed's.

--- --- --- ---

Roy gasped and turned away from the mirror. "That's gross... can't he do that when I'm **not **here?"

Riza, who was also looking away, turned to him, "They don't know we're here, remember?"

Roy rocked himself on the chair. He had nothing against homosexuals, but seeing Ed- the Fullmetal Alchemist, underneath and kissing his enemy, really screwed up his mind. More so.

--- --- --- ---

Unaware of the spectators next door, Ed and Envy were continuing their little 'game'.

**Bang! Bang! Bang!**

Ed broke off the kiss and looked at the door. He nudged Envy, who climbed off, pouting. _" Who ever is on the other side of that door, I'll kill..."_

Ed opened the door partially and peered out.

"Hello Fullmetal. We need to talk."

--- --- --- ---

**A/N: Go me! Another chapter! Thanks to all who reviewed! You make me feel loved!**

**I was listening to Mirai whilst I wrote this, as well as listening to my mother rant on about how I was lazy and should run around outside instead of reading Fan Fictions all day.**

**I went outside and found a box of matches. Oh what fun I had!**


	17. You're going to kill me?

**Me and My Chibi**

**Chapter 17- You're going to kill me?**

--- --- --- ---

To Ed's dismay, Roy was on the other side of the door.

The three of them were seated at the table. But because there were only two chairs, Envy forced Ed onto his lap. Ed who didn't want to do this, squirmed for all he was worth.

Envy flicked Ed's forehead. "Be good Chibi-san and listen to the Colonel."

Ed sighed and looked at Roy sadly.

"W-well," the colonel started, " You, Ed, will need to come to my office in an hour. There's a new mission for you." He looked at Envy. "You are free to join him, if you wish."

Ed gaped at him. "You mean you're gonna let him be alone with me?"

"You sound scared, you were alone with him before I came-"

"Yeah, but I feel safer here."

"Now, Ed. I thought you trusted this creature."

Ed heard Envy growl at the 'creature' comment. "So, I'll see you soon?" Roy waved slightly as he went to leave.

"Uh, Colonel?" Ed asked, climbing off Envy, "Do you know what happened to Al? He's been gone for ages..."

Roy pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it to Ed. "I would have given this to you sooner, but I forgot."

Envy glared at the colonel's back as he left. _'That bastard...' _Envy really hated the colonel right now.

Envy left his chair and hugged Ed from behind. What's it say Chibi-san?"

Ed unfolded the note and read it aloud:

"_Dear Brother,_

_I hope you're having fun without me. I decided to say with Winry._

_She said I'm helpful to have around... because I'm tall._

_So I don't know how long it will be until I return. Maybe a month?_

_Winry says you need to come and visit sometime because you have no reason to stay._

_She laughed when she suggested you were entertaining a girlfriend, she's really strange._

_I miss you, Ed._

_Love Alphonse._"

Ed and Envy looked at each other, before Envy laughed.

"Damn Winry." growled Ed, "She's too insightful, except for the part about a girlfriend..."

--- --- --- ---

" And that should be it." stated Roy, handing Ed a few papers. "I will need a report, of course and-"

He was cut off by Riza, who was returning from the other office with more paper work, to Roy's dismay. "Hello Ed, Envy." She smiled before proceeding to 'dump' the papers on the colonel's desk.

" So, Envy, " Roy growled, "Will you be joining Ed?"

"What?! Didn't you hear me before?! He could turn on me and kill me!!! And you are okay with this? He coul-"

Envy clamped a gloved hand over Ed's mouth. "I'm pretty sure anyone would want you dead Chibi-san. Just so you'll shut up."

Riza giggled.

" I would dearly love to accompany my Chibi-san on this mission thingie..." said Envy dramatically, "But he doesn't want me there, so I'll stay."

Ed bit the sin's fingers. And Envy removed his hand, smirking, before standing up to leave the room. Ed watched him go, sadness creeping into his features.

--- --- --- ---

It was late at night and Ed would still be in a far away town, on his mission. Leaving Envy alone in the dorm room.

Roy and Riza watched in horror as Envy let a tall figure into the room, via the window.

--- --- --- ---

"I have news Envy." said Lust after straightening out her dress. " 'Master' has decided that Ed doesn't need to die. She needs him as a spare."

Envy crossed his arms and sat on Ed's bed. "I see... well as you can tell I have found the runt. I'm uh... keeping an eye on him... befriending him, like you suggested."

"That's good. 'Master' would be proud."

"Yeah right. There's no way she'd even give a damn. The sooner she runs out of replacements, the better."

"Now, now Envy be nice. And besides, she believes you're betraying her."

"I am nice. She's just saying that because I've been here this whole time."

"Probably." Lust stalked off to the window sill and slid open the glass pane. " I'll bring you more news if we need that Fullmetal Boy killed."

Envy nodded, "Oh, Lust?"

"Yes?"

"Don't tell her where I am, or I'll kill you myself."

Lust nodded and jumped out the window.

--- --- --- ---

Colonel Mustang sat there, trying to absorb all the information he had just heard.

"Sir do we need to inform anyone of this news?" Riza asked. She had decided she wanted to trust the sin, seeing that Ed had. But now, she wasn't so sure. If Envy was doing all of this to help his 'master' she would stop him.

" You know, what?" said Roy writing down as much of the conversation as he could remember, "I don't know. I guess we'll wait. And if he makes a move, we'll stop him."

"Wow, sir. That's a pretty good plan."

"Yes! I'm great, aren't I? If I save Ed's life, he'll owe me and then I'll make him pay for the psychiatrist's fee!"

Riza smiled at his foolishness. And yawned. "We'll need to work on shifts to keep an eye on him. We both can't stay awake forever."

Roy started scribbling a timetable on another sheet of paper.

--- --- --- ---

The next day, at noon Ed returned to Central. He reported into Roy's office to hand in the report. Roy greeted him with a tired grin.

"What's wrong, sir?"

"Nothing, just tired... I didn't get much sleep."

"Where's Lieutenant Hawkeye?"

"Uh... probably getting more work for me to do..."

Ed chuckled and left the office in a good mood. For once.

--- --- --- ---

Ed pulled the dorm key out of his pocket and looked ahead, up the hallway, to see Riza standing outside the door. When Ed reached her she pushed open the door and ushered him inside.

"Um, Lieutenant?"

"Yes, Edward?"

Ed looked nervously around the room. What the hell was going on? "W-where's Envy?"

" He's in the Fuhrer's custody. I'm sorry Ed, but fraternizing with the enemy is not allowed. Which is why this action must be taken..."

Ed's golden eyes widened in horror as Riza pulled her pistol out of it's holster and pointed it at the alchemist's forehead.

"You're going to kill me?"

"That's how it has to be..."

Ed closed his eyes and waited. _"Why was is this happening? It's not my fault... sort of..." _He opened his eyes to see Envy standing there, with a large grin on his face.

"Scared, Chibi-san?"

Ed lunged at the sin, rage in his eyes, embarrassment on his cheeks.

--- --- --- ---

**A/N: Ha ha! There was nothing remotely suggestive in this chapter. However, I'm sorry if I scared anyone... although, some of you may have seen this coming. Is it just me or is this chapter longer than the others?**

**And a big thank you to my reviewers! And a very big thank you to Imhappynessinabottle for posting the latest chapters!**


	18. Uh, hi Al

**Me and My Chibi**

**Chapter 18- Uh, hi Al...**

Envy stepped to the side, effectively dodging Ed's attack.

"C'mon Chibi-san... I was just joking around..."

"I don't care! That was mean, Envy!"

"I love it when you say my name..."

Ed stopped and blushed, "Huh?"

--- --- --- ---

Riza watched as Ed tried to hit Envy. She couldn't believe what she saw moments before.

_"I could've sworn he was actually going to kill Ed... why didn't I try to stop him? Ed could've died..."_

She put her head in her hands. "No! I'm not myself. I think I'm going to need help soon..."

"N-no... Envy... stop..."

Riza looked up. She'd hate to be Ed.

--- --- --- ---

"N-no... Envy... stop..."

Ed was getting backed up against a wall.

"How do you turn **everything** I say against me?"

"Whatever do you mean?"

"You know what I mean." Ed stepped around the sin and advanced on him. Envy was now the one getting backed into a wall.

"Hey Chibi-san..."Envy leaned down to whisper the next part in Ed's ear, "That's cheating..."

Ed looked up at the sin and grinned. Stupid Envy and his games. _"Wait. wasn't I trying to severely hurt him a while ago...?" _Ed reached up and fisted his hands in Envy's hair, _"Meh..." _and pulled Envy down and kissed him.

Ed'll admit, he was expecting the sin to kiss back, just not so hard...

The chibi pushed up against Envy and drove him against the wall. The sin's tongue found it's way into Ed's mouth and his hand inside of Ed's shirt and to the chibi's back. Envy then ran his fingertips up and down Ed's spine, causing Ed to arch up higher and closer.

**SMASH!**

Suddenly, there was a loud crashing noise followed by a series of loud clanging noises.

"Brother, brother! I was told this was your new dorm but not to go in or something about it being a bad time or you were busy or something like that but I thought 'what could brother possibly be doing all by himself?' So I let myself in...uh, brother...?"

Ed and Envy both pulled away from each other and slowly turned to face the suit of armour, which had finally finished it's rant.

"Uh, hi Al..." Ed looked nervously at Envy, before turning to Al, licking his tingling lips. "What're you doing back so soon?" Ed was well aware how lame that sounded... but hey, he couldn't think of anything else to say...

Obviously Al didn't either.

"I-I... uh... broth... er...uh.." was all the suit of armor stuttered out before leaving the room. If Al could've gone red, he'd be as red as red could get.

Ed and Envy turned to each other. Then to the door.

Al's head poked back in, "Ah... I need to talk t-to you b-brother... umm..." he left again. Then poked his head in once more, checking if he saw correctly. Before withdrawing again.

"Okaaaay..." Envy scratched the back of his neck.

"Crap... I'll talk to him..."

--- --- --- ---

"I'm sorry about the confusion... really."

"It's okay, it was Roy's fault."

"Brother you always say that." Al laughed.

But really Ed didn't see the need for Al to apologize for arriving earlier than expected. It was like he said. Al probably was right on schedule but the time at which Roy gave Ed the letter was late. So Ed voiced this but Al shrugged it off and changed the subject.

"Brother, was that Envy?"

Ed squeaked. "Uh, why do you ask?"

"i just wanted to know what he was doing to you... I mean, you were in a well guarded room, it had surveillance and everything! So I figured you let him in, you know, on your own free will. But I don't get why. Maybe-"

"Al!" Ed stopped his brother from ranting again, "What was that, about the room?"

"Huh? Oh surveillance! Well hidden behind the mirror, wouldn't you say?"

"Y-yeah..." Ed twitched with anger, "You don't say..."

--- --- --- ---

Envy was sitting on the bed staring at his feet. He was praying to any god that would listen. _"Please don't let the tin-can kill Chibi-san."_

The sin looked up, just in time to see Ed stomp into the room, angry. "Oi, Chibi, what's the matter?"

Ed stood in the middle of the room and in an unnervingly calm voice, replied, "Envy, please pass me the phone." He pointed to the dresser in between the two beds.

"You need to use it? It has a cord, you know-"

"Pull it out. And. Give. It.To. Me."

The sin did as he was told and handed the (rather heavy) machine to Ed. Who, with his auto-mail arm, flung it at the large mirror on the wall.

--- --- --- ---

**A/N: Um... well this is short. (I ran out of stuff to right...-.-0)**

**I have been threatened by someone who shall never be named to, (and I quote) 'Stop interrupting Ed and Envy! Or I swear on Riza's pistol that I'll kill ya!'**

**But hey I'm still alive, also I felt bad for forgetting Al and this was the meanest way (not to mention the only way that I thought of...) to bring him in...**

**Also a note... if I do this whole, "I can type!" thing correctly, I should finish this by Chapter Twenty.**


End file.
